Sunday, March 25, 2007

Cursed

I keep on doing the same thing over and over again... I stumbled too many times yet I find myself in the same situation once too many times.

I feel so weak, never learning, never finding the strength to stay away, never knowing what to do when stuck in the same situation. It's just the same, over and over again yet here I am, standing still.

Call me stupid, call me pathetic, call me crazy... idiot or better yet, moron. You can call me anything. I've been all that and more.

I wish it all to stop. I wish that I'll get to live normally for a change. To be truly happy. To be free from this stupid, pathetic, crazy, moronic addictive feelings.

When will a person ever learn? When do you say "I've had enough!"? When?

HOW?!!

I wish it all to stop.

Now I know why addicts have a hard time letting go. The withdrawal is just too painful.

But I just hope I'll be able to cross that mountain-high obstacle and finally say "I'M FREE!"

*sniff sniff*

After The Love Has Gone

Pagbigyan nyo na... I just feel like singing sad songs right now. I wonder why ^_^
(This song's for you..)

After The Love Has Gone
by Earth, Wind and Fire

For awhile to love
was all we could do
we were young and we knew
and our eyes were alive
Deep inside we knew our love was true
For awhile we paid no mind to the past
we knew love would last
Ev'ry night somethin' right
would invite us to begin the dance

Somethin' happened along the way
what used to be happy was sad
Somethin' happened along the way
and yesterday was all we had
And oh after the love has gone
how could you lead me on
and not let me stay around
Oh oh oh afterthe love has gone
what used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found

For awhile to love each other with all
we would ever need
Love was strong for so long
never knew that what was
wrong oh baby wasn't right
We tried to find what we had
till sadness was all we shared
We were scared this affair would lead our love into
Somethin' happened along the way
yesterday was all we had
Somethin' happened along the way
what used to be happy is sad

Somethin' happened along the way
oh yesterday was all we had
And oh after the love has gone
how could you lead me on
and not let me stay around
Oh oh oh after the love has gone
what used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found

Oh oh oh oh oh oh after the love has gone
what used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found
Oh woh woh after the love has gone
what used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Burp

I think I shall never eat for this entire lifetime *burp*

I pigged out the whole day today. Yeah, yeah, I know it's gross but pardon me. It's fun to eat, you know. Especially when it's treats from other people ^_^

Aldwin got into the office early, well, 9 AM's early for him but that's beside the point. Anyways, as he was walking towards our area I saw him grinning widely. Then I saw... KRISPY KREME!!! wohoo! ^_^ We kept the box to ourselves coz we didn't wanna share it with other teams and bitches. Aldwin intended it for the Java team alone. Oh and well, some close friends of the Java team hehehe *burp*

We hid the box at my rack so it won't be seen. So when people want to get some donut, they would sneak beside me and sit on the floor. Sometimes it freaked me out seeing them there beside me without me noticing them there for some time.

All day, we've been eating Krispy Kreme glazed donuts *burp* Yummy yum yum! *burp*

Thanks, Alds, for the donuts *burp*

After lunch, we started opening the Choc Nut that Aldwin brought along with the donuts. So that was what we were munching on the whole afternoon *burp*

When Loida called us in for a meeting, I didn't know she ordered Pancit Habhab. I'm not sure if I've eaten it before but it really tastes good *burp* I let myself had two servings (with my teeny weeny soapdish-like container). The pancit was really kewl coz you had to put in vinegar to make it tastier *burp* It was really yummy yum yum! *burp burp*

And then around 6PM, our team got ready to leave the office. Erick was treating us to Starbucks. He promised that treat to our team when we stayed at 3AM in the office for the project one time. I had a tall Mocha Frapuccino *burp* I know it's not SBC but hey who's complaining? It was a treat, after all *burp* *burp*

Thanks, Sir Erick! *burp* Another treat for Phase 2, ayt? ^_^ *burp*

He also ordered two cakes, a strawberry and cheese cake, and a chocolate cake *burp* Who could resist such temptations? So we all dug in ^_^ *burp*

We got so hooked up with our banters and our bashing that Aldwin and I forgot we were supposed to meet Joe-e at Ortigas. Oopsie! ^_^ Good thing the traffic wasn't that heavy that we were there in 30-45 minutes, I guess.

We met Joe-e at Discovery Suites, 5th Floor. He was treating us for a buffet there :-D *burp* I had salmon, maki, salad, chicken balls, roast pork, seafood, beef salpicao, fish, steamed potatoes, and panini. One of the surprisingly yummy dishes there is the roast lamb. *burp* I've had traumas with lambs before because they tasted eeky but this time I actually enjoyed it ^_^ *burp*

(I'm trying to recall what else I had. The names were just too weird for me but everything else was yummy *wink* *burp*)

For dessert, I had those thingies... pastries that are placed on crusts? Forgot what they're called. Also, brownies, creme burlee (super to the max yum yum! I had two servings *burp*), mallow coated with chocolate... I forgot what else. *burp burp*

But of course, we didn't let our PhP800 each go to waste. We maxed out our tummy capacity. When we were finished, we couldn't move. It was just too much ^_^ *burp*

We went with Joe-e to his office after just to let the food go down. Man, were we full. *burp*

Thanks, Joe-e for the treat :-D *burp*

Yeah, I think I ate a lifetime of meals for today *burp burp*

Oh I was burping the whole time. Please excuse me *burp* There it goes again *burp* I'm still full and it's already 1.30AM :-P sleeeppyy... *burp burp*

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Compound by Will Fredo

"When I love the next time, I want it to be whole... not in bits and pieces..."

I've been wanting to watch Compound for some time now. I first heard of this film during Cinemalaya 2006. I tried to catch it lots of times at different cinemas but to no avail. Every time this film was shown on theatres I always have somewhere to go or better things to do. Until finally I was able to watch it tonight.

I enjoyed the film immensely. As always, indie films gave me a sense of freedom; a sense of individuality. The cinematography was great. I like how the angles of the shots were taken. Above all of this, I applauded the casts' performance on that movie. John Arcilla gave an amazing performance. I also have to give ode to Jake Macapagal and Marq Dollentes for a wonderful kissing scene. I really felt the passion in that scene ^_^ Cheers to Will Fredo for a job well done!

Reflections:
  • A lot of wives keep silent about their husbands' extra-marital affairs. They would want to keep silent and bear the situation. On the other hand, some women fight back (This, I understand. I would've done the same, probably). But then, some of them stay because of ambition. A dream to do everything and be the prima donna she dreamed she would one day be. Is this the result of our economy's decline? Or is it that we have reached the height of the age of materialism? Is this what our generation's going to?
  • "I need space from you... We are both in denial..." Needing someone to the point of losing your sanity. (This is heavy ^_^ Can relate?) It's so hard to let go of someone. But then what if your husband leaves you for another guy? Would you be in denial? That you think he's just after an adventure? I used to think that it's better if I'm left for another guy than with another girl but now I change my stand. I say being left for whoever is just as painful, whether it be male or female.
  • Sacrificing yourself for a loved one. We often do this especially for those who are close to our heart. Even to the verge of imprisoning ourselves to a cruel situation. Can we have the courage and strength to change it? Most probably they'd say, bear it instead. But I say crossing the other side may give us a different perspective and a breathe of fresh air.
The twist of the film was somewhat predictable but it was presented in such a way that you would still enjoy watching it.

By the way, it wasn't rated R18 just for the heck of it. Beware, the film was very vivid in its scenes and language usage ^_^ Sorry about that, Ross. I should've warned you about indie films and their themes. But it was worth shocking you, though LOL! :-D

You might want to check out the COMPUND website

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Third Wheel? Hmmm...

I was out shopping and had dinner with one of my favorite couples tonight, Kuya Jef and Ate Cecile. I really had a great time. As I was walking home, I tried to figure out why is it that some people, especially single ones, don't like to go out with couples.

Answer: A lot of people feel uncomfortable about being a third wheel. It felt like intruding on their private, sweet, enclosed world. And somehow it makes you envious of what they have and wish you have someone to cuddle with, too.

But then why did I enjoy my night out with Kuya and Ate? I've been trying to analyze the differences with those couples that I want to be with and those that I don't (those that would make me go BLEH!).

And it all boils down to this. You would want to be with a couple that doesn't make you feel left out. That both their attention are on you. But that doesn't mean they have to stop being a couple. They also cater to their being sweet and all the couple stuff they do but then they don't forget about you. They are aware you are there; that they both take interest in you.

Unlike some couples, they only have eyes for their partner and none of the people around. Now, these are the type of couples you don't want to go out with. You'll just feel left out and wish you're home instead ^_^

It's funny how small things take into detail when you're in a different status ^_^ but those little things do make life interesting.

Oh and if you and your partner are out with A FRIEND (I emphasized on the singular term), make sure that you both take interest on your third wheel. Otherwise, why bother inviting that person along if you can't take your interest somewhere else other than your partner even for a second? ^_^

Monday, March 12, 2007

Dexter - Love American Style

When you have so much time in your hands and bored, you do weird things... like transcript a portion of the Dexter series episode 5: "Love American Style"

It was funny. Just when I was contemplating on relationships, or rather, the lack thereof... well, romantically speaking, along this series came ^_^ It's amazing how every word, sentence, conversation affects you and relates it to things happening to you.

In case, you're wondering how I am, these excerpts might answer that ^_^


i like to pretend i'm alone. completely alone. maybe post apocalypse or plague. whatever. no one left to act normal for. no need to hide who i really am. it would be freeing.


i'm not the only one who enjoys isolation. my shadowed companion chose this place well. this was his sanctuary, for a while at least. all these people crawling over it, it seems disrespectful.


"Rita: have you ever longed for anything like that?"
she wants something from me. ever since the b**w j*b, she assumes we have taken it to the next level. she doesn't know yet i don't have a next level. it always comes to this once sex is introduced. small talk no longer cuts it. eventually she'll call me a science project, slam the door on my face.



"Rita: i'll go with her. she might need a shoulder"
she sensed i'm not a shoulder. bad sign. she's catching on.



that must be what love looks like. the inability to feel has its advantages... sometimes.


alone. no pretending. no hiding.


normal people dream of this: a new car, a big home, a boat at the reefshore marina, and a beautiful wife. too bad i never enjoyed making someone a widow. or so happy. she has no clue who she's with. maybe that's the key to a successful relationship.


Dexter: your wife, she's probably worrying.
Angel: she don't mind who i flirt with so long as i bring home la passione.
Dexter: la passione.
Angel: ei, it keeps the relationship alive
Dexter: what about communication? trust?
Angel: la passione!
Dexter: what if she wants something more?
Angel: then you reciprocate
Dexter: what if she wants something more emotionally?
Angel: no, don't go down that emotional road. just go down on her. it's easier. she'll be distracted



Harry: dexter, women are different from men. i'm saying they have a whole different experience of things. when they're with someone physically, they feel connected. they know when you're not. they can sense it. you're very exposed
Dexter: yeah, you're naked
Harry: i mean, emotionally. so this is gonna be very dangerous for you
Dexter: i can fake it
Harry: yeah, you can learn to fake a lot of things. this is a tough one



somehow it's reassuring to know that you're not the only one pretending to be normal.


maybe if i dont blink, my eyes will tear up. i hate this. i'm questioning every move, it's exhausting. i should just break it off already. unless i can pacify her, give her something. reciprocate. la passione.


Harry: you must be having fun
Dexter: nah, i pretended to
Harry: that's good, dexter
Dexter: dad? do you think that maybe one day i'll feel it? for real?
Harry: i hope so, son



alone. i'd be better off. relationships are too confusing


incredible. they're even a better match that i thought. a true partnership.


Dexter: i rarely deviate from a plan but i just didn't have the heart to split up such a perfect couple
Mr. Castillo: i love you!
Mrs. Castillo: i love you so much!
Dexter: how do you love each other? you're like me. you make it work. how?
Mr. / Mrs. Castillo: we want the same life
Mrs. Castillo: we want the same thing
Mr. Castillo: the same life
Dexter: you share the same dream
Mr. Castillo: yes, exactly!
Mr. / Mrs. Castillo: yes, that's it!



deviating from the plan may have been ill-advised. but sometimes you just have to take a risk. after all, isn't that what relationships are all about?


Dexter: do u ever dream for your life? your future?
Rita: of course. do you?
Dexter: i sound weird. i want someday to be content. just to feel comfortable like everyone else. i want...
Rita: a normal life
Dexter: yeah, a normal life
Rita: that's all i want. just that
Dexter: no fame or fortune, excitement at every turn
Rita: (laughs) no, i've had enough excitement, thank you. i'll take boring
Dexter: average
Rita: ordinary
Dexter: that's weird huh?
Rita: yeah (smiles)

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

It's Good If It's Just Once in a While

They say drinking red wine a cup a night is good for your heart.

They say drinking beer is also good once in a while.

They say drinking tequila is fine so long as you do it once in a while.

So is brandy, only once in a while.

But then what if those once in a whiles happen all at once? Ending? D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R ^_^

That's what I did last Friday. I had a drinking spree with friends. I drunk all those while eating ice cream in between. Wasn't that fun? LOL! Beer was overflowing, tequila shots got passed around, red wine, shots of Fundador here and there... Fun! ^_^

When I felt like my eyes getting heavy, I started declining drinks. Just then, my head started spinning then I barfed and I passed out. When I became conscious I just couldn't move myself. I can't even open my eyes. I felt hopeless lying there. Pathetic, even :-P I felt really weird, too cause I can't sleep. My mind was so awake but my body just gave up. Is that really how hangovers go?

I had a terrible hangover the next day. Splitting headache, no appetite, grouchy... All you wanna do is just crawl to bed and sleep. I was only able to go home Saturday night hehehe (Maybe I should get drunk more often. Maybe it'll help me lose weight LOL!)

But even on Sunday and Monday, I still felt remnants of the hangover. That was really one big bang of drunkenness LOL! ^_^

It was an experience I'll never forget. But it's not something that I'd like to try again. I think I've experienced it enough for a lifetime hehehe

All the same, Kuya Jomark held one hell of a party. Belated happy birthday, Kuya Jomz! ^_^

Attention: This is an Emergency

(This happened last 29 Feb 2007)


There was a blaring sound on the building intercom followed by a voice saying, "Attention. This is an emergency... blah blah blah"


And we were like what the heck was that? Is that the fire drill then? Is that real or just an announcement thingie you just ignore and continue whatever it is you're doing? Unfortunately, it was real. One of our fire marshalls, Patrick, told us to vacate the area. *Sigh* It was one of those dreaded fire drills alright.

We were waiting for the fire drill to be conducted that morning but it didn't happen. We thought they already did the fire drill last weekend. We sort of forgot about it in the afternoon. At around 2PM that's when the siren came on.

We then headed for the stairs. There were a lot of people there already. I saw Accenture people carrying their laptops while going down the stairs. It's one of those few times that you're thankful your company doesn't provide you with a laptop.

I was really excited on my first fire drill. I've never witnessed or experienced a fire drill before. I was really talkative and laughing at us, the people around me... I was on a laughing trip. Aric and Lee kept on laughing at me.

10 floors after, Erick noticed I was becoming quiet. I was starting to get tired then. Gosh, was it just 10 floors? It felt like 20 floors already. We still have 27 floors to go. OMG!

Around the 20th floor, we were saying we're half-way through. Going down the stairs was becoming hell. Our knees are now painful from the trip down. And we still have a long way to go. Oh no, when will this end? I thought fire drills are fun. Now, I know.

When we passed by the 12th floor which is the lounge (a.k.a cafeteria), we opened the emergency exit. We wanted to sneak in. We were really, really tired then. Unfortunately, there were some guards stationed by the door so we weren't able to get in. Oh well *sigh* 12 more floors!

When we got to the ground level I was just so thankful I got to breathe fresh air. Even if we were outside for more than 15 minutes, our knees just can't seem to stop shaking. Whew! That was some fire drill! Imagine coming from the 37th floor? *faints* I hope I won't be in the office when a fire drill's going to be conducted again. Thank God fire drills happen once a year. Ahhh, right? Once a year? Right? :-|