Rising Up

For some reason, the past month has brought a lot of challenges in every aspect of my life. I fell apart emotionally and mentally. Even until now...

It affected not only me but the people I love, as well. I blew it, really blew it. I was angry, tired, hurting, demotivated, struggling. I lash out at the smallest things. At night, I get nightmares, not out of fright but getting angry at someone. I remembered waking up from a vivid dream, screaming, very frustrated. I so wanted to throw a mug at someone, wanting to smash it in the person's face but broke only the handle instead.

I think this was, by far, the most stressful situation I have ever been. It felt like I failed my loved ones, myself and most especially God. I didn't turn to Him for guidance. I didn't know how to ask for His help, blinded by my arrogance and pride.

But He always promises, as in Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”" He always keep watch over me, sending me guardian angels to open my eyes, to help me hear His words.

Life is a journey - you never stop learning. Just when you have figured things out, it gets shaken up. Not everyone might rise up to the challenge right away. Sometimes you need to fall flat in your face, get bruised up, broken lips, black eyes and all. But eventually, you will push back. Twist, turn, crawl but all the same learn to stand again.

God has a plan. I might have took a wrong turn, but as our loving Heavenly Father always does, He nudges us to the right direction. I still feel lost right now but I leave it up to Him to lead me. As for me, I have to fix myself and trust in His plans for my future.

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