tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110697732024-03-13T11:16:31.069+08:00sweet kunothey said real friends are hard to find but i guess i'm really lucky to have found them at each and every corner of my life ^_^ that is why, i'm loving every moment i get to experience ^_^ praise God for such blessings!sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.comBlogger120125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-40204051136457920622024-03-03T15:14:00.000+08:002024-03-03T15:14:51.569+08:00Overflow<p></p><div><div><br></div></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz93YZNrusKCxWvfbK9YJk-QNcIaHBb8LlsrnLNtxiOj3JTc1pUynxRVL7eh2mEH6KdB-JF-so2KP5YPjDVqWD4mZdW00-t9eMpZrd6pI4tsBbRBvMhnzIlXP7hyphenhyphen5CGFpP6fixXi_DUbnDme6h3UExHDSXvB0C-ISM7MJfXoFujmRS8wuQoSDHJA/s1293/423221357_356182820558813_1645544219823920712_n.jpg"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz93YZNrusKCxWvfbK9YJk-QNcIaHBb8LlsrnLNtxiOj3JTc1pUynxRVL7eh2mEH6KdB-JF-so2KP5YPjDVqWD4mZdW00-t9eMpZrd6pI4tsBbRBvMhnzIlXP7hyphenhyphen5CGFpP6fixXi_DUbnDme6h3UExHDSXvB0C-ISM7MJfXoFujmRS8wuQoSDHJA/w400-h217/423221357_356182820558813_1645544219823920712_n.jpg" width="400"></a></div><br><div><br></div><p>Sometime last January, Linköpings kommun published a map of the city, indicating areas with risk of flooding. I was wondering about the timing of this article, considering rainy days are usually in July. I felt it was too early to worry about flooding.</p><p>While on our walk, I realised the water level has risen due to the melting snow. The stream was almost a meter high, if not as high, compared to what it was during summer. The water was rushing through, faster and louder than usual.</p><p>Funny, my brain still has a hard time associating snow with rain until now 😅 </p><p>Thoughts of summer crossed my mind. I hope summer won't be too harsh this year, considering how much it snowed this winter. I wish it's possible to hold all this water so that even when summer is too dry, there is this much reserve. Unfortunately, nature doesn't work that way. The trees and the soil can only hold so much, and then it would release all those excess into the water channels.</p><p>This also applies to us, humans, doesn't it? Whatever it is we fill our minds and hearts, it reflects how we treat the people around us. When we fill ourselves with thoughts of gratitude, positivity and generosity, we can't help but spread and share these with those we love, and even to strangers.</p><p>And just like when we fill our hearts with negativity; always criticising, never satisfied, never content, ungrateful, well, what then do we spread? (Almost) Every word that comes out of our mouth is venomous. Our thoughts are troubled, angry, and worse, bitter. We lash out to the people around us. And who is most affected? Those closest to us, unfortunately. We see the bad side of almost everything. We perceive the world to be such a nasty, dark and unhappy place to be in.</p><p>Empty that heart of negativity. Fill it instead with positivity. </p><p>As <a href="https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-samsung-ss&sca_esv=54bdbdfc1cb11477&q=&si=AKbGX_rtvl4gHjpzPKpYolykTK-DwT7ha6dJftcynCd9eVgGN0Fxv1U9w4a8OKPmTXLV-G1__m1A5x74fUElr_kyDIhSHexz-pbBFIScWvsLsOlRdBh5vxDZX0k3B4ipaX2fqM0MiDs8&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjDgezExdeEAxUGEhAIHcpoBzwQjukCegQIGBAE&ictx=1&biw=360&bih=705&dpr=3">Hillsong's One Day</a> goes</p><div><i><span><span face="arial, sans-serif">So blessed, I can't contain it<br></span></span><span><span face="arial, sans-serif">So much, I've got to give it away<br></span></span><span><span face="arial, sans-serif">Your love has taught me to live now<br></span></span><span><span face="arial, sans-serif">You are more than enough for me</span></span></i></div><p>And with this, life is simpler, life is more enjoyable, life is more beautiful. </p><p></p>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-91095258185956851302024-03-03T01:46:00.240+08:002024-03-03T04:36:49.364+08:00Almost but not Quite<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnSGTaihbRKzE0fTpi8bdgFDkMkDMl4Efm0qBdfBDtXfwBhX-x0AUNEgeb9ZRo_9sr3k08807L-6LNhWopQxYOl1YDXnJkDZvSl0BIN-q8GJ9404hMsYLEcEoGRtoP5Tntkq3YxomcO63Ly440fG79sOEdWAabJYApCC9I-TLx6qQ27fmjIHA9YQ/s1632/423541773_968704671534678_3765793490252043822_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1224" data-original-width="1632" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnSGTaihbRKzE0fTpi8bdgFDkMkDMl4Efm0qBdfBDtXfwBhX-x0AUNEgeb9ZRo_9sr3k08807L-6LNhWopQxYOl1YDXnJkDZvSl0BIN-q8GJ9404hMsYLEcEoGRtoP5Tntkq3YxomcO63Ly440fG79sOEdWAabJYApCC9I-TLx6qQ27fmjIHA9YQ/w329-h246/423541773_968704671534678_3765793490252043822_n.jpg" width="329" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">In a basketball game, there is always a winner and a loser. Even if both teams are stellar, one will always triumph over the other.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span>This is one of the life lessons that sports teaches. These experiences help </span><span>strengthen one's emotional intelligence.</span><span> </span><span>I feel it's crucial to experience this at an early age. </span><span>They would learn to cherish and celebrate their victories. </span><span>This helps prepare kids to face the wins and losses of life. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">More importantly, it is when we encounter losses that we gain more life experiences. With the right mentors and with the right attitude, we learn how to face and overcome our failures, and at the same time, learn from our mistakes. We strive to improve ourselves so that the next time we go in, we do better.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span><span>A team that goes up against a superior team has to work doubly hard to be able to </span></span><span>match the opponent</span><span>, if not </span><span>catch up</span><span>. This is life. Not everyone is created equal. No matter how good your team is, there will always be a better team around.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">That's why I encourage my kids to join sports, aside from the physical benefits sports offer. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">At the end, it's always the team with the grit that emerges as the winner. The team who will not give up. And sometimes, it's the team with an individual who won't give up. The team who pushes hard, no matter how tired they are.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I got into this pensive mood while watching the game before Zach's. When we arrived, Linköping was down 14 points during the third quarter. The other team, Katrineholm, played better. They made good shots, and good passes. Linköping kept on missing their shots. They made bad passes which made Katrineholm get lots of steals. I wasn't hopeful for the Linköping team then.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">By fourth quarter, the Linköping team pulled themselves together, and played as a team. They rotated the ball, helped each other. They found their confidence, and the score difference slowly shrinked. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span>During the last 2 minutes of the fourth quarter, it was 53-52 in favor of Linköping. Unfortunately, Katrineholm was fouled just close to the last minute of the game but only converted one basket to a point, which led to 53-53 and an overtime. </span><span>Both teams didn't give up. They both put in good defense. In the end, Linköping made a basket. End score was 55-53.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Today was Zach's team's first basketball match. The kids were nervous but nonetheless excited. I was worried when the score was at 7-0 in favor of the opposing team. In the end, they found their rhythm and played better. The game ended with the other team winning 29-20.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">On the way out, I asked how was the experience. Zach said he had fun but was disappointed because he could have done much more better. Manong said he did good but there are room for improvements. They then talked about pointers, and how Zach could improve. I was happy 😎</span></p></div>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-2211376384240767672024-02-29T22:06:00.004+08:002024-03-06T05:43:50.596+08:00The Gender Gap - Thoughts of Motherhood, Careers and General Well-being<p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I came across this article while reading an email blast from Ingenjören<br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #202027; line-height: 67.2px; margin-bottom: calc(var(--wp--preset--spacing--small)/ 2); margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; max-width: var(--wp--style--global--content-wide); text-align: left; width: 870px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b></b></span></p><blockquote><b><a href="https://ingenjoren.se/2024/02/20/sa-paverkar-foraldraledigheten-kvinnors-forskarkarriar/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Så påverkar föräldraledigheten kvinnors forskarkarriär</span></a></b></blockquote><p></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Translating to English, what this article talks about is how parental leaves affect women's research career. I was really curious about this since Sweden is known for its gender equality culture. Even so, I've still read articles about salary and parental leaves inequality. There is even a rule that fathers are reserved three months of the <a href="https://www.forsakringskassan.se/privatperson/foralder/foraldrapenning" target="_blank">parental leaves</a> and cannot transfer these to the other parent.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Although the study focuses mainly within the research community, this seems to also happen within other industries. As per the article, women has been found to have their productivity reduced by a third after becoming a parent, while men might experience the same on the first few months after the birth, would eventually regain their momentum thereafter. Parental leaves play a big factor, as well as, the role of a woman in a family.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I could definitely attest to this when it comes to Filipino culture. Men are breadwinners while women are homemakers. Women had to make sacrifices for their careers just to be able to hold the family together. With house help getting harder to find, it is very common for mothers to stop working to raise the kids. This is typically expected of women, without questions asked. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Filipino society is strongly patriarchal. Men tend to dominate, and women are often docile in most relationships. Successful working mothers need to pull a lot to be able to climb the ladder, and at the same time play the expected mother role to the family.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">On the other hand, Sweden has a different culture. Both husband and wife work because there is a daycare that takes care of the kids. There is even a night "daycare" for parents that are working during nights. The cost is subsidised by the government, and is per income bracket to ensure everyone can accommodate this service. Despite all these benefits, there are still studies showing women experiencing life disadvantages.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I recently attended a women's network talk in my current company, and the topic was "Ready to Grow". In that talk, the speaker pointed out that men are often very clear and distinct about what they want but women have the tendency to keep mum about their wants and needs. She also pointed that it's a myth that women are good at multitasking. Nobody is, period. It's just women have these habits of sorting things out, so they clean up after the mess, or helping out where one thinks is needed, etc. But then you should also realize, you have things that you need to finish. Keep in mind that when you say yes to other things, you are saying no to other ones.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">And there are factors about hormone changes and menopause which also leads to stress and anxiety in women. I also came across an article where more and more women experience burnout as opposed to men. This is also due to the same factors, parenthood plus work. Oh, and mind you, there might be a male andropause but it's effect is not as drastic as that of the women's menopause. So, technically, andropause is a myth 😀</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">At the end of these reflections, I am reminded how strong women are. That's really something to appreciate. At times I feel like I'm an under achiever but then realize, I under achieve in one thing because I am also juggling another thing.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Men also need to understand their role when it comes to family and parenthood. Women should help their partners understand how they can help, and not bottle it all up inside (an advice that applies to myself 😅). We are all made equal, and we need to fight for our space.</span></p>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-22936707437491549572024-01-31T13:57:00.002+08:002024-01-31T13:57:32.919+08:00Pizza, and It's Just Tuesday<p>We're having pizza for dinner tonight, and it's only Tuesday. I felt like I have exhausted my mommy powers today that I could only prepare for pizza. I was contemplating whether to prepare real food but I forgot to put out the meat to thaw. I was thinking I'll do pasta since there's meatballs but it looks like there isn't enough, and the carrots and mushrooms weren't enough to fill in for the sauce. The fridge looked empty, and I couldn't find anything to cook 😩 </p><p>We didn't have time to do proper groceries during the previous week - office trips, practices, weekend matches, and then feeling under the weather. Life happened this past week, and it swung full force after vacation that I felt I just have enough energy left to take care of the minimal household chores, and bond with the family.</p><p>There are just some moments in our life when we have to choose to drop lesser priorities to keep our sanity. This is one of the hardest things I learned in life. Up until five years ago, you'd always see me prepare a hot, full meal every morning and evening. I used to prepare eggs, some sausages to go along with it, and cook rice if there's no leftover. As for dinner, it will take me around 1.5 - 2 hours to have dinner ready. I have to do it a bit earlier so we can start eating by 7PM at the latest, since the kids slept at 7.30PM.</p><p>In order for me to manage and not let these intervene with my work, I'd get up really early, and then I'd also work after dinner, well into late in the evening, just to feel that I've covered my working hours. This affected my sleep so much, and eventually, my relationship with my family.</p><p>And then I fell flat on the ground. I had panic attacks. Whenever I had palpitations, it was so hard to breathe. I'd shout and get angry almost at anything that gave even the slightest of stress. I couldn't sleep. I could only nap. My kids were scared of me, so they tended to stay out of my way. Manong and I lost our spark 💔</p><p>At work, I requested to work from home occasionally, since I couldn't handle being in a crowd. I'm forever thankful to my former boss who immediately identified this as a mental health issue, and recommended me to a psychologist. Through those sessions, the psychologist led me to realize my priorities in life. I fixed my habits and routine so that I can be healthy physically, as well as healthy mentally. </p><p>But the humans we are, we tend to fall back to old habits. It really takes a lot of effort to stay clear of the bad, old habits. And oh, the setbacks! Just when I thought I'm out of the woods, another episode happens. There are times that I tend to push it, and think that since I'm better, I can handle it 😅 But what else can I do? I pick myself up, and start all over again.</p><p>And just like today, I was so caught up with work, I didn't realize the boys would be back soon from their practices. I only had 30 minutes or so before they come home. I had to make a hard decision 😁 Should I hurry and start making dinner, or should I just shower and let the warm water wash away the pressures of the day? So that's why we ended up having pizza for dinner today. </p>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-63723762811180117572021-09-17T15:57:00.005+08:002021-09-17T15:59:47.537+08:00Autumn Disposition<p>Autumn is here, and it has started getting cold - rainy and gloomy. We're mostly stuck at home, well, mainly due to the pandemic, but also the weather doesn't permit it so much. I know, I know, I should learn the Swedish way "Det finns inget dåligt väder, bara dåliga kläder" (There's no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes). Still...<br /></p><p>And so on this rainy day, I'm stuck feeling gloomy, listening to soft French tunes and, annoyed, restless, unsettled. Thinking about thoughts like what gives meaning to life, what makes one happy, what's the purpose of all these? And then thinking about missing home, and missing family and friends. Thinking about how I'd love to travel again but then where, when? Dare I do it with kids in tow? </p><p>Still, glad though, that this morning I had a very brief phone call with beautiful ladies whom I miss very much, and to celebrate Ully's 40th. Thinking about that makes my heart glad. And so now I started I feeling better again, when happy thoughts started creeping in. I hope it stays that way. I hope I'll remember to think of happy thoughts tomorrow...</p>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-73032550889410163732021-09-01T16:17:00.004+08:002021-09-01T16:17:42.705+08:00There are just some days...<p>There are just some days when everything is dark, despite the sun shining bright<br />Dark and bleak, and frustrating and tiring<br />Clouds hanging over the head... the mind<br />There are just some days such as these</p><p>There are just some days when you can't control these emotions<br />When everything matters, when it shouldn't really<br />When everything bothers, even the most trivial of them all<br />When everything is a mistake, even when said past is past<br /><br />There are just some days you'd just want to hide in a hole<br />But then crave for someone to hug you tight<br />Long for someone to talk to about their stories, to get your mind off these dark things<br />Seeking for company, yet yearning for peace and quiet<br /><br />There are just some days you gotta let it all out<br />And these days pop up like surprises, like a jack-in-the-box<br />And these days you need to learn how to handle them<br />They are now a part of my life, a part of my being...</p>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-10167678486238813492021-08-10T19:00:00.003+08:002024-02-02T21:20:53.013+08:00The Tomatoes, Bow<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCktKlA7XJf9ilV8cq-BDxvAnibI_kmFkkfq-7MkoY4JSAlK4GAL8jucQK5-tgefDWTDhYLhSu_FVRwjYEp7bHHf5VRCCTydInfmmMu8dVRXa-E-hPlEAGRlKebv1Ok27MykRD0A/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="1350" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCktKlA7XJf9ilV8cq-BDxvAnibI_kmFkkfq-7MkoY4JSAlK4GAL8jucQK5-tgefDWTDhYLhSu_FVRwjYEp7bHHf5VRCCTydInfmmMu8dVRXa-E-hPlEAGRlKebv1Ok27MykRD0A/w512-h640/image.png" width="512" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>The Tomatoes, Bow<p></p><p>How much have you thrived<br />So lush, so full of life!<br />Blossoming flowers bursting<br />Fruits are soon ripe for picking!</p><p></p>Oh, if it werent for those poles<br />You would have fallen over<br />The weight of the heavy load<br />You just can't support it all<p></p><p>You leaned and held tightly<br />With outstretched branches,<br />You made yourself taller,<br />Richer, fuller, stronger</p><p>Would you bear tasty fruits?<br />Would you stand the wind that blows?<br />Would you make it through?<br />I'll be here watching by the window...<br /><br /><br /></p>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-15063260316772955832021-02-15T04:25:00.004+08:002021-02-15T04:30:08.644+08:00The Attacks<p>At some point, there's no turning back<br />I don't know how, I don't know why<br />One day, it started to come, taking a toll in my life<br />Trying not to feel imprisoned, trying to fight it off</p><p>Heart starts to pound, chest tightening<br />A simple thought triggers it,<br />Or a picture, or even something I've read<br />I don't know how, I don't know why</p><p>The need to control it, the need to relax<br />The need to settle this heart-racing moment<br />The need to just be in a void<br />The need to let it go</p><p>I don't know how, I don't know why<br />But these episodes just keep on coming back<br />There's no turning back; it's there, taking a toll in my life<br />Yet, I need to conquer it so it doesn't suck me dry</p>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-35011265359194404452020-11-10T17:35:00.001+08:002020-11-10T17:35:46.912+08:00Funky beats<div>These funky beats</div><div>Reminds me of how it used to be</div><div>How we used to be so carefree</div><div>Not caring how we act</div><div>Just doing what we felt like it</div><div>Not caring how others think</div><div>Just speaking our mind out</div><div>Remembering the laughter</div><div>Remembering the banters</div><div>How confident we were!</div><div><br></div><div>The thump of the beat</div><div>Pumps my hearts</div><div>Pumps my vein</div><div>Reviving something long-forgotten</div><div>Reviving an old me</div><div>Inspiring, encouraging, motivating</div><div>Forgetting the body aches</div><div>Or even the annoying grey hairs</div><div>Jumping up and down</div><div>And just letting it loose!</div><div><br></div><div>🎶🎶</div><div>Ooh, baby, ooh, baby</div><div>It's making me crazy, it's making me crazy</div><div>Every time I look around (look around)</div><div>Every time I look around (Every time I look around)</div><div>Every time I look around</div><div>It's in my face...</div><div>🎶🎶</div>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-59887279723769022352020-11-05T22:59:00.001+08:002020-11-05T22:59:11.791+08:00Sadness<div>It's the kind of sadness that grips the heart</div><div>The kind that never let you shed tears</div><div>But deep inside you are sobbing</div><div>A gut-wrenching sob only you can hear</div><div>Only you can feel</div><div>Only you can understand </div><div>Only you can overcome...</div><div><br></div><div>It's the kind of sadness where </div><div>You want to tear your hair out</div><div>Or better yet, pound your fist on the wall</div><div>Whatever... it's that kind</div><div>You just want to let out</div><div>But just gets stuck within</div><div>Stuck and cannot let loose</div><div><br></div><div>It's the kind of sadness during this time</div><div>When it gets cold and darkness always comes too soon</div><div>It's the time when you want to go crazy</div><div>But just can't, for sanity's sake</div><div>So i try to hold on</div><div>Hold on till the sun shines bright again</div>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-67836530861784701282019-12-17T03:52:00.001+08:002019-12-17T03:52:30.004+08:00The dark and light<div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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</a>
</div><div><br></div><div>The struggle of dark and light </div><div>What an overwhelming sight</div><div>It echoes what's within</div><div>The battles I'm trying to win</div><div><br></div><div>The light shining just yonder</div><div>How can it reach me, I wonder</div><div>But these grey clouds they cover</div><div>These depressing, bleak thoughts, I shudder</div><div><br></div><div>And I still long for that light</div><div>I kept holding on and fight</div><div>Fight these damning darkness around</div><div>Break free of emptiness that surrounds</div><div><br></div><div>There is still hope beyond there</div><div>I get a glimpse, even if it's rare</div><div>For I know this isn't where I should be</div><div>Move on, move on, I plea</div>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-75355723148151505662019-11-29T17:00:00.000+08:002019-11-29T17:01:59.428+08:00A day has passedA day has passed since we talked<br />
Yet I feel the tangy taste<br />
I still feel the lump,<br />
My stifled, wounded cry<br />
<br />
A day has passed, yes<br />
I still feel the pain and joy<br />
Your words sinking in, reality finally settling in<br />
Piercing deep through the heart<br />
<br />
A day has passed<br />
When you talked of how you were<br />
The struggles and the pain<br />
How you broke the chains<br />
<br />
Your story encouraging me, inspiring me<br />
Convincing me, assuring me<br />
Despite still being broken<br />
You're just taking it one day at a time<br />
<br />
A day has passed<br />
Yet I'm still emotional<br />
To finally let all the dam loose,<br />
Feeling so defeated and low<br />
But never wanting to lose hope<br />
<br />
A day passed since I cried<br />
I cried with those bystanders watching us<br />
Because you made me realize<br />
What and who are important to me<br />
<br />
To love and cherish<br />
And give the proper time to people and things<br />
After all, there is just only one me<br />
A me whom I should never forgetsweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-90327458400829605642019-10-24T08:13:00.002+08:002019-10-24T08:18:31.116+08:00I'm a programmer, I have no lifeI have often wondered how would I be if I didn't become a programmer. I have to admit I'm not really a technical person; that is, I'm not really into technology. More often than not, I get stuck into the old ways unless someone pointed out to me the new way of doing it, or I came across something new while researching for an ongoing work. (I can just imagine my boss' eyes popping at this statement 😄)<br />
<br />
When I was young, I dreamt of being a doctor, or a social worker, or a marine zoologist. An opera singer even! But then, back in those days when anything computer was the fad, my dad wanted me to get into a program involving anything computer. Despite a lot of drama, tears and sweat, here I am 18 years later, working as a programmer. (I wanted to say software engineer but that might be a bit complicated for some who are not in the field. 😊 )<br />
<br />
But despite these realizations, I sometimes find myself working late at night, or at times, at the wee hours of the morning just to finish a project. It's more often than not, driven by a deadline, but then at times, you ended up dreaming about a solution or thought about it too much you just couldn't sleep. Either way, I ended up typing on my keyboard.<br />
<br />
When work gets so frustrating, and I can't seem to find the solution, these musings surface. No matter what, I ended up coding anyway.<br />
<br />
I guess I have come to love programming. There are different aspects of being a programmer. A lot of analysis, a lot of research. Keeping up to date with what's new everyday is never simple, there's always developments happening all over. Believe it or not, there's also being involved with processes and helping shape teams' way of working (which I love, by the way).<br />
<br />
At the end of the day, it boils down to being able to solve a problem one step at a time. The feeling of victory when as simple as making a test run, which you have tried to set up for almost a week, and you're not sure whether it's environment that was bogging down, or something you missed to add. Learning something new and being able to implement it... yeah, it does give that sense of victory. Something you can say with a whisper (and a little bit of arm tug) "Yes!", especially when you're at the office.<br />
<br />
And I guess almost, if not all, programmers can relate to the famous Facebook community "I am a programmer, I have no life".sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-26643006158359678582019-10-08T03:23:00.001+08:002019-10-08T08:07:10.707+08:00The slide rideSlowly I fell through the slide<br />
The thrill, oh what fun!<br />
Emotions flowing through<br />
I was laughing, oh the rush!<br />
Gathering speed, down, down, down<br />
Pushed by the rushing water<br />
Faster, I went down faster<br />
Entering through the dark tunnel<br />
Anxiety came over me<br />
But I went faster and faster<br />
I shouted, "Help!"<br />
But no voice came out...<br />
I wanted to shout but I can't!<br />
And faster I go<br />
Oh, and ever so faster<br />
I can't breathe!<br />
Gasping... I can't breathe<br />
"Help, please help!"<br />
I tried to hold on to the rails<br />
But it just slipped past!<br />
I can't hold on!<br />
"Make it stop! Make it stop!"<br />
Yet all I hear is just the water<br />
Rushing all around me<br />
Panic started to well up<br />
Choking me, leaving me breathless<br />
Faster I go, faster down<br />
Just when I felt I was about to faint<br />
I hit the water hard<br />
Bubbles, bubbling... me, bubbling<br />
I pushed hard, reaching<br />
I gasped out as I broke through the water<br />
Ragged breathe, trying to make it steady<br />
Now I'm safe<br />
Let's do it again?sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-23482116975310888022019-10-02T04:44:00.000+08:002019-10-02T04:44:14.569+08:00ShowerRush! Turning on the tap<br />
Spray of water all over<br />
The feel of warm water on your skin<br />
It's like a warm embrace<br />
The drumming of water on your scalp<br />
Feels like a head massage<br />
So heavenly...<br />
I let the water run all over me<br />
Soothing, comforting,<br />
Washing away the worries of the day<br />
I let out a sigh, a content sigh<br />
I linger under the shower<br />
No... I shouldn't, I must conserve<br />
But my sanity is far more important<br />
Peace and serenity underneath the rush of water<br />
Hearing the calming sound<br />
Deep breaths, relaxing the body<br />
Ah, what wonders a shower does<br />
After a long and tiring day...sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-1352837520523199332019-09-27T02:42:00.000+08:002019-09-27T02:47:03.201+08:00Who is she?Who is she?<br />
This invisible she<br />
She, whose presence is always between us<br />
She, whose shadow casts upon us<br />
<br />
Who is she?<br />
She that sits between us<br />
What used to be a love chair<br />
Now shared by a third<br />
<br />
Who is she?<br />
She that creates a space<br />
She that lies down in the middle<br />
On our bed; our special, intimate place<br />
<br />
Who is she?<br />
Whose embraces and kisses you feel<br />
Whose caresses you long for<br />
Who you seek to be with, instead of me?<br />
<br />
But who is she?<br />
This ghost who you compare me with<br />
Deep down, it hurts but I know<br />
I will never be hersweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-86958422460167225782019-09-02T02:12:00.001+08:002019-09-28T12:40:09.559+08:00My voiceI lost my voice<br />
I used to shout and they would hear<br />
I used to talk and they would listen<br />
And even when I sang, they'd stand and applaud<br />
<br />
I lost my voice<br />
It's hoarse and brittle<br />
It couldn't sustain long<br />
Couldn't catch my breath even for a little<br />
<br />
I lost my voice<br />
I lost the charm<br />
I lost the ability to encourage<br />
To inspire, to challenge, to change<br />
<br />
I lost my voice<br />
But I try to whisper<br />
Whisper, so some could hear<br />
Even when I feel like a stutter<br />
<br />
Oh yes, I lost my voice<br />
But I try to tune it<br />
So some could feel<br />
What others may fail to achieve<br />
<br />
I will find that voice again<br />
And be able to shout and inspire<br />
Finding and treading on these soft grounds<br />
I know, I will get to know freedomsweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-89779457283328011442019-08-16T14:45:00.000+08:002019-08-17T14:47:47.435+08:00Gors<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">(Title by Efren Jamolod)</span></i><br />
<br />
Clink! Goes our wine glasses<br />
We settled on the sofa<br />
Preparing to end our hectic week,<br />
The hustle and bustle of our daily life<br />
<br />
Thankfully, the kids are already asleep<br />
It's just you and I<br />
A touch of soft light from the lamp<br />
To top off a relaxing night<br />
<br />
We don't need so much these days, you and I<br />
A series maybe, or videoke is enough<br />
No more fancy restaurants<br />
No more loud noises at the bars<br />
<br />
We went past the days<br />
When you would've thought<br />
Of sweeping me off my feet<br />
Beyond the flowers and gifts<br />
<br />
Just these cozy nights with you<br />
With your arms around<br />
(and sometimes a kiss or two, giggles)<br />
Is all that it takes to say<br />
Thank you for making me happy 😍sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-66020511561954121752019-08-16T06:43:00.001+08:002019-08-16T06:43:50.747+08:00BreatheLying there in the dark<br />
Emotions running astray<br />
Trying to control<br />
Breathe in, breathe out<br />
<br />
Chest tightening<br />
Emotions welling up<br />
Sucking in a deep breathe<br />
Tears rolling down the face<br />
<br />
Trying to control the sobs<br />
Breathe in, breathe out<br />
Tears just keep on flowing<br />
Breathe in, breathe out<br />
<br />
Then comes the relief<br />
Able to breathe properly again<br />
Sometimes you just gotta let it go<br />
Sometimes you just gotta crysweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-53344807068129848222019-08-02T16:01:00.000+08:002019-08-08T21:38:09.997+08:00Something about the rain<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAhZ63K5t5JECIMb8F5XrfNh88rqAhOC77YHsFYEc4mCgAia6ojK9Z2eHVwsK0a4EUQ5DMK12Cfxdad6Xq8LhlhWdCK6XP8Hh5FOc6btOkJ6yF-N7C2JB8JzkSvNNYTY7oSBmZjw/s1600/something+about+the+rain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAhZ63K5t5JECIMb8F5XrfNh88rqAhOC77YHsFYEc4mCgAia6ojK9Z2eHVwsK0a4EUQ5DMK12Cfxdad6Xq8LhlhWdCK6XP8Hh5FOc6btOkJ6yF-N7C2JB8JzkSvNNYTY7oSBmZjw/s320/something+about+the+rain.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
There is something about the rain<br />
Something about it<br />
That makes me sit by the window,<br />
Feeling the rain, with mixed emotions</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Listening to the tip taps,<br />
How each drop echoes on metal,<br />
How it pounds hard on solid material,<br />
How it seems to make everything clean</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Gazing outside, thinking of yonder years<br />
When I used to play out in the rain<br />
And loving it especially, when it floods<br />
I know it's gross but I just love the splash</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Feeling the cool breeze, the smell of damp earth<br />
Colors everywhere become vibrant, green and more<br />
Everything becomes alive, everything becomes fresh<br />
Loving it when it rains...</div>
</div>
sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-90315136270986622862019-07-22T14:51:00.000+08:002019-08-08T21:39:00.237+08:00Tied<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqiyrK6bOaT3SHqA-0dDhOE5Ws6T9GDaaAlBdIQUh7IYPdTz6QFR_8DH5N-UKA_BAX3haPTymu9AApcPNdvjgtny22JqEr8JMx8H2vTKBU3pzW8Nb2yl_1qOqUibsXSr-SntjtVQ/s1600/tied.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqiyrK6bOaT3SHqA-0dDhOE5Ws6T9GDaaAlBdIQUh7IYPdTz6QFR_8DH5N-UKA_BAX3haPTymu9AApcPNdvjgtny22JqEr8JMx8H2vTKBU3pzW8Nb2yl_1qOqUibsXSr-SntjtVQ/s320/tied.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Tied to a pole</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">No water reaching in</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Just sitting on dry ground</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Tied and alone</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br />Not even the waves pushes<br />Just sitting there very still<br /><br />Tied but wanting to go<br />Leaning towards the tide<br />Just sitting and waiting<br /><br />Tied, unable to move<br />Waiting for the water to reach<br />Waiting till the high tide comes in</span>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-46912317711807522132019-01-09T21:02:00.000+08:002019-08-08T21:08:43.602+08:00CagedThud! Oops, bumped<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Clonk! Bumped again?!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Whump! Hey, stop it!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Wait, what's going on?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I can see you, can you see me?</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br />Feel, feel... feels cold<br />Is it a glass?<br />Am I looking through a glass?<br />I'm not Alice in wonderland, right?<br />Oh, good, good!<br />I'm not dressed like Alice,<br />not like Alice, at all!<br />But why am i inside this glass?<br />Hello, can anybody hear me?<br />Can you even see me?<br />I see you! you, over there!<br />It's me! locked in this glass!<br />Can you help me get out?<br />Thud! Thud! Thud!<br />Bang! Bang! Bang!<br />I want to be out there!<br />I want to feel the wind on my skin<br />I want to feel the warmth of the sun<br />I want to hear the rustle of the grass<br />But it's so cold in here<br />Trapped, trapped!<br />I want to be out there!<br />I want to feel, to touch,<br />to hear, to smell...</span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I want to be free!<br />Smash!</span>sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-82602166409583698612019-01-04T15:30:00.000+08:002019-08-08T21:09:33.099+08:00Restless<div style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
There is a feeling of restlessness</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Of unease, of discomfort<br />
There is that feeling of desire<br />
But of what? I don't know</div>
<div class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Heart is beating, anxious<br />
Waiting as if something,<br />
Something is going to happen<br />
But maybe, just something forgotten</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
What is it? What is it?<br />
Cries the depths of my soul<br />
What is it? What is it?<br />
Is there something I missed?</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
I long, I thirst, I ache, I dread<br />
How can I set my mind at peace?<br />
But more so, how can I stop<br />
The pounding of my heart?</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Reveal yourself to me<br />
Oh, you mysteries of the mind!<br />
Tell me what to do<br />
So I can go back to how things were</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Sigh, sigh<br />
Take a deep breath<br />
Sigh, sigh<br />
Sigh, sigh...</div>
</div>
sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-1244028171985744612018-05-25T09:18:00.000+08:002018-05-25T09:18:10.746+08:00WonderingTo be able to laugh your worries<br /> To be able to laugh off stress<br /> To be able to raise my head<br /> And feel serene calmness<br />
<br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
To be able to talk with light-heartedness<br /> To be open-minded about things<br /> To be free of judgement and criticism<br /> To let go of prejudices<br />
<br />
I long, oh how I long<br /> To be free, to be free!<br /> Free from burden and tension<br /> Free from these entanglements of mess<br />
<br />
Let's reset, let's start anew<br /> To be able to say, "hi, i'm sweet...<br /> It's nice to meet you.."<br /> Can we have that a go?</div>
sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11069773.post-46667506603172852782018-03-10T21:46:00.001+08:002019-08-08T23:42:46.692+08:00Quicksand<div dir="ltr">
Realizations at 4AM<br />Thoughts which wouldn't let one sleep<br />Over-thinking, over-analyzing<br />Brain's going into hyper mode<br />Where to go? What to do? How to begin?<br />So many factors to consider<br />My soul went hyperspace jump<br />
yet my physical being still left in place<br />Stuck. Still stuck.<br />Feels like the quicksand<br />
stuck and sinking<br />So how do you get out?<br />But as advised when in such situations<br />Step back, take small steps back<br />Take things slowly<br />As said, frantic movements only hurt you<br />Take breaks in between<br />Pushing it might make things worse<br />It might take hours, days, years!<br />Just always have that vision</div>
<div dir="ltr">
to never get suck up</div>
sweetlouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05315680929178831033noreply@blogger.com0